New Relationships: Trust Issues and the Psycho Bitch

So you’re in a relationship and suddenly the world is brighter more beautiful and it seems that the sun is always shining- even in monsoon weather.
You love spending time together, chatting, sharing secrets and future ambitions. Yet like any person that’s ‘lived a little’, you’ve been down this road once or twice and naturally can’t help thinking - how long will this last?
Previously screwed over and played like a harp from hell, consequently results in a few trust issues with your seemingly ever devoted new partner.

After numerous hours of sanity testing contemplation, it is an inevitable thought to wonder – how long until the psycho bitch comes out to play?
We’ve all seen the psycho bitch in action before and we all know it’s not always gender specific (there are psycho dumbasses too).
They are the partner that says, “No! You can’t go out with your mates; you have to spend time with me.” Or the famous, “who was she and why were you starring at her tits?”
Answering the questions of a psycho bitch is a huge challenge for the other party and unfortunately “I like tits”, no matter how true or fair the comment usually leaves you celibate for a few days (or weeks).

Historically the psycho bitch came about at the dawn of time when a caveman would bash other non partnered cavewoman over the head with a very large club; resulting in the insecure cavewoman’s rage at her partners wondering uni browed eye, and eventual slaughter of the entire tribe.
Jealousy really is killer; even smart insecure business women can feel the cold pinch of jealousy now and again.

Narrowing down individual reasons for why the psycho bitch may rear her ugly head are too numerous to cover in one entry...however! Sometimes he or she simply remembers her former slutty single self and that is enough to put any individual on high alert... or any couple on high risk status.

Here’s one thing that can help. Don’t say “I love you” six weeks or so in. Why? Because you probably don’t mean it and even if you do, you are putting too much pressure on a new fragile thing; how old are you? 16!
Plus, it’s highly unlikely that you don’t fully trust this person so soon in and without trust there is no love.

Still a sceptic of the psycho making bitch theory? Let’s use our old friend Facebook as an example of fact. How many young people do you see confessing their love to a new partner only a few weeks in over the news feed, only to witness their public pain and despair, when the following week they are single and “hate” him/her.
I’m not saying if you feel the words bubbling up and about to burst out, push them down and ignore every thundering fast beat your heart makes. Just be careful about offering something to someone that might take it and machete it to ribbons. Resulting in the worst psycho bitch of all, the desperate lonely single psycho bitch, that preys on the happiness of new romance!

Online Dating: Shite or Sugar?

(Forrest Gump 1994) “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.”
The same can be said for online dating, the dangerous online domain of peedos, perverts, freaks, desperate singles and perhaps good honest people looking for a companion?

Initially, joining PlentyofFish.com was an experiment, purely as a project for producing some good writing material, having a laugh and giggle...and if I’m really honest... an ego boost.
Amongst the reams of single men, looking for a relationship or a quickie, I decided it would be best to see who contacted me, instead of contacting others. Consequently upon signing up, within one hour 36 attractive and butt ugly men e-mailed me; at least the ego boost box was ticked.
Naturally I find people who are creative or funny are always ones to continue a good conversation with, so out of the 36 (which rapidly kept increasing after the days passed); I stuck to speaking with a few bachelors in their 20s.
As time persisted I began to question my decision on signing up. With the Blackberry flashing new e-mails all day everyday and more and more older married men asking if I fancied meeting up for a drink, I began to wonder what sort of sick twisted world we lived in.
More questions began to form like: Is their display picture a copy and paste from Google Images? Is he really a web developer for Virgin Media or a ginger munching cannibal? Is this one of my friends/enemies pulling some sick joke?

Paranoia firmly intact, there was no chance in hell I was going to meet up with any of these men, before I was 100% sure that they wouldn’t slip a pill into my drink while I was rummaging through my handbag or the 82 year old man in Starbucks wouldn’t announce he was my date for the evening.
After a week on the site I started chatting with a very nice, funny bloke from Peterborough, 21, good looking and very interested. Gradually, after a few days my trust grew and I decided to give in my mobile.
The next day (Mon) a received a text from *Adrian* asking me: How I was, what I was up to and whether I fancied meeting him for dinner on Friday? I agreed.
Within that week, I was bombarded with texts, phone calls and the latter; all day and night!
By Friday I was seriously considering not going out on this date, when...He text me telling me he was going to be late...minutes later texting again asking if I could meet him somewhere else other than the restaurant...soon again, telling me that we would be meeting at the bowling alley in Bretton near his house.
Now, I’m not the type to start labelling people, but this guy was really starting to sound a little bit insane! After declining and nicely suggesting that we met somewhere more public. He freaked out and began accusing me of calling him a child for suggesting the bowling alley. Unfortunately for him I’m not a very calm person for long, so I bluntly told him that I thought he could be a rapist and to f*** off... or so I thought.
After meeting some friends later to tell them about the entire ordeal and show them the texts, I realised I called him a racist by mistake!
So, if you ever find yourself about to embark on a date with a total stranger that seems like a complete and utter psycho, call them a racist and you will ultimately get yourself off the hook.

In the four weeks that I remained on this site, there wasn’t really anyone else that psychotic to report on other than a few losers aiming way out of their league and what can be perceived as few decent men looking for love.
Understanding now that I’ve probably scared you away from the online dating trend for life I will close with one positive.
It’s an excellent way of finding out that the hot guy you met in December is single and looking, or at least... he was ;-)

The Reboundmentship

After a break up, one can feel a lot of things: release, freedom, independence, cynical, emotional and ultimately have a sense of loneliness and misplacement. This depends entirely on the lost relationship, how long it lasted, how it ended and entirely on what kind of person you are.

Within the first month, most people feel lost, especially if you’ve just got out of a particularly long relationship. More often than not your ‘friends’ will begin to start telling you the truth about your ex and a feeling of sadness can begin to surface, you may even begin to feel like a complete idiot; again for numerous reasons.

Sometime later you may find your friends and family aren’t filling the void and the comfort and safety you felt in your past relationship is ultimately gone, you then will have a sense of realism; you’re on your own now!

Occasionally (possibly after a few drinks) you may experience a sense of empowerment, this can be triggered from special attention from the attractive and witty, compliments or success in other forms, however like every single person you will undoubtedly have droughts of loneliness, insatiable loneliness that often feels like it is consuming you.
The loneliness will eventually be then worsened by the irritating ‘itch’ that has come about from you recent rift into unwilled celibacy. This then not only affects your head, but your heart.

It is a bold truth that at some point in every person’s life they realise that they cannot walk the lonely thread of life without a companion, it is perhaps to great a ‘burden’ to bare on their own.

Perhaps, one night you have had a few more vodka cokes than usual and one particular person is offering you their utmost affectionate and caring attention.
Not perhaps a complete stranger, but this has been known to happen. The evening continues and you seem to have a great deal in common. Then, before your know it your back at their place and heaven has opened!

The next day, you have a hangover, you’re in shock and perhaps even a little confused (depending on the alcohol consumption), you believe you have just encountered your first one night stand, either for the first time or the first time after your last relationship has ended.

Ok, so it’s a mistake, job done, never talk about it again and if you see them out and about- play it cool!
But hang on...what’s this? They want to see you again? And you’ve said yes!
Enter the reboundmentship! And oh what heavy territory you have just entered.

A reboundmentship is fine, if anything you can call it an interesting time in your life, but please take the concept of ‘interesting’ very loosely.
Something’s you must understand about a reboundmentship:

•You haven’t gotten over your ex
•You are only doing this because you can neither bare nor handle loneliness anymore
•You are very likely to fall for him/her
•You are very likely to get hurt
•This is not officially a couple relationship, nor is it a FB situation (well from your point of view anyway).

So your options are quite simple, play the ice king/queen card and carry on and try not to arouse any feelings, especially if you’re a girl (although apparently that scientifically impossible) or break it off and try and stay friends.
Simple right? Right?...WRONG! Add other people to the fold, family members, nosey bystanders and concerned friends and you ultimately have pandemonium. But hey, when did I ever say life was easy, I said it was interesting.

Star Crossed Lover Syndrome

(The wonderful delights of the 16 and unders)

It seems that when most teenagers hit the ‘tender’ age of sixteen, they are so desperate to find love that they cannot wait to declare it the second they are in a relationship.
Whether they are aware of what love really is or not, they cannot wait to share their glory on Facebook.
Of course, anyone under the age of 16 declaring the same should (quite bluntly) just be ignored and if said words will leave their lips it should just be considered a consequence of their hormones (Whore moans).

I blame the media, film industry and Shakespeare for this. Every time you turn on the TV there’s some sap declaring his love for some dim witted school girl and then they live happily ever after. Just a quick tip- this never EVER happens, only in super special cases!
Oh, and did you ever notice that at some point during your teens you will undoubtedly have a brief relationship with Shakespeare? And did you ever notice, that more often than not, the play in which you have this relationship with is Romeo and Juliet?
Two lusted up twits from fair Verona, Romeo a boy of 18 and Juliet a child of 13. Who amazing fall in love, get married and die in only four days! Shakespeare is like subliminal messaging to teens; they don’t understand it, but their being brainwashed.

On that note, have you noticed the films of today have adopted the same romanticised formula of Shakespeare’s original? To name a few: Westside Story, Ghost, The Notebook, Brokeback Mountain... and if you think that’s all sissy girly stuff. Take a closer look at the film Underworld, its vampires and werewolves with Romeo and Juliet.

Now, to all those that might be 16 or under and getting slightly offended, because they really really do love their boyfriend/girlfriend of 2 whole weeks, Romeo and Juliet is fiction, movies are fiction and most likely your feelings...wait for it...are fiction!
And to all those parents who have/had a teenager declaring the same thing and have tried to make them see sense, do/did you ever hear those righteous words, “You don’t understand” followed by a storming out of the room and a very loud and abrupt slamming of the door?
Aw, the blessed signs of star-crossed lover’s syndrome!

Two weeks (or so) later the relationship has ended and as expected they are undoubtedly heartbroken and claim they will never love again, this lasts until the next one comes along; which on a rough estimate is about one week to a month and then the cycle begins...again!

If anyone is indeed offended by what I have written, please know that I don’t really give a damn; teenagers weren’t built to handle the truth. That’s what your twenties are for; and even then people still struggle between fact and fiction. This is quite simply an understanding, backed up by experience.

Break up Blues: What do you do?

Every break up is different...well duh! But let’s be honest, none are easy. There’s the awkwardness, the upset, the explanations, the heart break, the rom/coms, the endless mind numbing talks to friends, the eating all the chocolate and ice cream in the house, the...you get the idea!
Having ended my long term relationship of four years, all I could really say was “wow I feel so weird.” Now three months down the line and free from the clutches of the ex fiancé I can honestly say if anything I am free, over it and ready to move on and this is how!

Firstly, DON’T listen to OUR song, just remind yourself that it sucks anyway and instead power up with some female/male independence songs or some great dance tracks, good for mood enhancements and definite righteous empowerment.

DON’T raid the fridge, who in their right mind will feel good about themselves if they’ve upped two dress sizes? But don’t do what I did and fast/starve yourself because you’re trying to lose the weight you put on during your relationship.
Gentle exercise regularly is the best way, as again that has a lot of positive mood enhancements. Self defence classes are always good as you can take your pent up aggression out on the punch bag; instead of your ex. If you take it out on your ex, he/she may still think you have feelings, remember hate is a step away from love!

Spending time with friends and making new ones is an excellent way of sorting yourself out, but don’t bitch about him/her as that’s hardly staying positive and off topic.
Instead, try and experience new things and keep yourself busy, fun is the best medicine for a break up.

It’s not productive to meet with your ex, especially at first as you may spark up old feelings and forget all the reasons you broke up. But sometimes these things can’t be avoided, I work with my ex so I take a professional approach; it’s all business baby and you need to treat it like that!

Next...Take some time to date and not relate. This doesn’t mean sleeping with the next thing you see. Again it’s about enjoying yourself; learning to be completely independent again and not throwing yourself head first into another deep and meaningful (REBOUND) relationship- reboundmentship!

Retail therapy is great as it promotes change and the new free you, but don’t max out your credit card as debt equals slavery and that defeats the object.
But once you’ve lost the relationship weight, that Jane Norman maxi/fit dress doesn’t half look the business. Not to mention the blue string bikini that you’ve had hiding in your drawer for the past three years!

Most importantly, don’t consume yourself with thoughts of your ex and keep busy with projects, friends and hobbies, now and again remember to remind yourself why you broke up, so you don’t make the mistake of falling back into the trap.